Now the doubt kicks in.... Wednesday 4th June 2008, 10:10 PM
Spending so much time thinking about John has come with its doubts. The night he left us in Hawaii, he was going back to his residence to pack and return to his barracks. In our last few moments together, I asked the question “so what would be the longest amount of time I’ll have to wait until I hear from you?” He said about a month, since he would then be moving into his new place where he would be living. He did mention that I would be welcome to stay there if I ever am back in Hawaii but I’m a bit reluctant to save if I know that’s not going to happen.
I’ve sent him a few emails, including one I sent on the plane home about most of the things mentioned in my blog, well, that is that I would love to fly out and would be happy to save up to do it again. He doesn’t have the internet now so he cannot respond for the time being, although I would just love confirmation to know that he feels the same after we’ve left each other and things are back as they were. People can be nice and offer their hospitality again, but whether people mean it, can be a different matter.
I think its mainly the fact that its happened on my birthday which makes it more prominent, because if I ever looked back at this birthday, I would to have at least liked to have known the guy that gave my one amazing moment in my life where someone were not afraid of showing their feelings, but f someone’s not going to see them again, that situation, if carefully planned, can remain without repercussions.
I can imagine most people thinking I’m an idiot…
“You’re waiting for an email so that you can go out back to a holiday destination to see a guy you met for a day?”
Yep, I am, and I’m sticking to it. He’s Handsome, He’s Sexy, He’s interesting, He’s Masculine, He’s got self discipline, He’s my age, He’s great to chat to, and I’m pretty sure he’s into me too. If I ever got the opportunity to date him, Id happily drop everything. Would you give someone your necklace out of kindness? When they’re 21? I doubt it. I am an impatient person and realise this, but a month is a long time to wait to hear from a response that you may get.
I guess ill have to just wait, that’s all I can do, but his profile on manhunt is gone now, and his phone no longer rings, but if you’re in the army, I wouldn’t expect your phone, or its messages become much of a priority anymore. You ever seen in the films where there’s an army guy sitting on his bed. He gets a long awaited letter from someone that he cares about. I want that to be me, I want to send him stuff, that he waits for, and when he writes a letter back, it would be about the stuff we want to do together when we see each other next, which will be weeks or months away, but when that finally does happen, the momentum built up from all of that would be extraordinary. I want to love someone and have them occupy my mind, and I want them to love me and be all they think about too.
The mind is such an amazing organ that can create and retain thoughts, its can give emotion, and generate words or events that can create emotions for someone else. It can give you love as well as doubt; it can lead you in many directions which can be a dangerous intention, especially if you intend to act upon it. In this set of events I have been given a situation that could materialise in many different ways, and I have thought some of the better ones out.
My blog has got me in trouble a few times since it’s what I feel, think, and describe what may seem inevitable, but if I can air it, I feel better, and if people wish to read it, I hope to inspire them. In this case, go out on a limb and see if something potentially major could happen to you!
Take care guys, and thanks to silent tom for being a regular reader. x